Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
