I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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