It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
