I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize