Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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