If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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