There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
