Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
