I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
