dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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