My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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