OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
