It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
