It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
