Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
