Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I woke up under a house in Key West
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