I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
