Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
it's like heaven, but drunker
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
