can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
