never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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