Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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