i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
