if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
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He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
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I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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