Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
