What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
