My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
