I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
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I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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