If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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