White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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