i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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