This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
