Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
