i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
