1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
