Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
