oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
