Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
