you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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