party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
do herpes really smell.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Randomize
