It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
