i permit you to call me
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
