fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
