so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
