Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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