I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
