You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
