quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
