Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
