Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
