I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
