Dual....:-)
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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