Acid is not a monday night drug
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
