she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
