My first STD was from a foam party
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
