I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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