I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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