Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
