I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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