So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
