I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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