ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
two words...techno handjob
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
