when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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