Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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