im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
