You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
