Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
