I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
