anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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