I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
