Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
