Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
