ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
