No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
