I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
where are you?
Hypothermia
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
