During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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