Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
