shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
