Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
