I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
